by Jules Older, Vermont Business Magazine It’s 2024, and my MacBook Pro’s battery is wearing down. I know this because the time between required plug-ins is shortening and because Apple lets you check these things when you call their free service number.
What the hell — I've had this computer since 2017, and I kinda’ long for a shiny new one.
So into the Apple Store I go. The guy confirms it — I need a new battery. Gonna cost me 250 bucks. I say, “Should I have this done or — pant, pant — buy a new computer?”
He looks me in the eye. “Really? $250 vs $2500?”
OK, the battery it is. Off goes my MacBook Pro to Apple.
A few days later, it’s returned to me. Works fine. But it comes with a note I don't understand — something about the keyboard. Could they have sent me somebody else’s MacBook Pro? Back to the Apple Store I go.
Same guy. Looks at computer. looks at note. Says, “No, it’s yours. You got lucky. When they replace a battery, Apple checks out everything else. Your keyboard and a lot of other parts were nearing the end of their lives. Apple replaced them all.”
The cost for all this replacement? Zero. I had what amounted to a new computer for the price of a battery. Thank you, Apple. I'm your loyal customer forever.
Photos by Effin Older
Dark of night
Now, it’s 2025, and another company. This time, it’s the Dutch-based giant, Philips. They make a gazillion products, among them Barista coffee makers, Premium airfryers, DreamStation sleep devices and Sonicare electric toothbrushes. We bought our Sonicares in 2019 and have happily used them ever since.
It’s 2 AM or thereabouts. In the dark of night, I'm awakened by an ominous sound, an intense, hollow buzzing. Very loud. Very alarming. It’s coming from the bathroom. Can't see a thing. Could it be some disaster in the pipes?
I turn on the light. Still can't see a thing. And now the buzz has grown into a BUZZZZZ. What the hell?
And then, I spot it. Wedged between the sink and the rim of the toilet sits my electric toothbrush. Not only has it turned itself on, it has done so with enough power to tip over the ceramic cup I keep it in. Then it buzz-bombed itself off the sink and crashed onto the toilet.
And that's not all. I cannot turn the crazed thing off. I push every button, but on it buzzes. Loudly.
Then it stops. Finally!
Wait — it turns itself back on. To keep it from roaming down the hall or leaping through an open window, I stow the toothbrush under the sink and surround it with rolls of toilet paper.
The next morning, I contact Philips. Or try to. Unlike Apple, they make it obvious that they'd rather not be contacted. But surely they want to know about their berserk brush — don’t they? SPOILER ALERT: No, they don't.
I finally find a way to message them. I tell them everything I've just told you. I also send them photos of the runaway toothbrush.
No response.
I search again. Discover a well-concealed email address. Rinse and repeat. No response.
I've cc’d a lawyer-friend. He says, “Call them!”
More searching. I find a number. ‘Ruth’ answers. She tells me that the reason I haven't had a response is that Philips no longer checks the email or message sites. No longer checks them but doesn't let customers know? I sigh. It’s gonna’ be a long day.
But Ruth is very nice. She takes down all my information, asks me for the numbers stamped on the brush’s bottom, wants to know if I still have a sales receipt (“What? No!”). She then says, “It is out of date. As a courtesy, you can purchase a new one at a discounted price.”
I reply, “I will not be doing that. If the battery had died or the power diminished over time, I would not have contacted the company. But this went beyond that — it created a hazard, could have caused damage, even have broken the toilet. I want you to replace the toothbrushes.”
Toothbrushes, plural? In the photo l sent are two Sonicares. I've explained, “The toothbrush on the left is mine; on the right, my wife’s. Since they are identical models, bought on the same day, I think you should actually replace both. Since mine went berserk, she is understandably nervous about using hers.”
Ruth says she understands and will escalate. If I’d send her a photo of the toothbrush bottom, I should hear from Philips in one or two business days.
I send the photo.
Four days later
I contact Ruth and say: We are now well past those ‘one or two working days’ and I still have had no reply.
Through you, let me urge your ‘escalators’ to:
- Do the right thing
- Do the smart thing
- And do it now.
Thank you again,
Jules Older
And now, the Escalator emails me. She says:
'This is Catherine, the supervisor for Philips Consumer Care. Thank you for your email and for sharing the details of your concerns with us. I’d like to address the issue regarding your Sonicare toothbrush and clarify the situation.
Our standard warranty for Sonicare toothbrushes is two years, and since your unit is almost six years old, unfortunately, it falls outside of the warranty coverage. As such, we are unable to provide a replacement based on the information you've provided. If you do have proof of purchase showing that the product was purchased within the last two years, we would be happy to reconsider the possibility of a replacement.
Please note that businesses have the right to request proof of purchase to ensure that warranty claims are valid and can be processed appropriately.
Regarding your wife’s toothbrush, as it came with the combo pack purchased six years ago, we find that the fact it is still functioning well indicates that the product is fit for its intended purpose and has lasted a considerable amount of time with proper maintenance. Therefore, there is no issue with her toothbrush at this time.
As a gesture of goodwill, given the circumstances, we can offer you a discount should you wish to buy a new Sonicare product. This is the best solution we can provide under these circumstances.
We understand your frustration, and while we cannot accommodate your request for a replacement due to the age of the product, we hope this offer will help in resolving your concern.
Kind Regards,
Catherine
PHILIPS Consumer Care
The ‘discount’ is just a smidgen less than full retail. I promptly answer:
Thank you for your reply. Here is my response:
- Neither the age of the appliance nor the length of the warranty is in dispute. Neither is at issue. What is at issue is this: My Sonicare toothbrush suddenly and on its own behaved erratically and dangerously. It fell from the shelf and crashed onto the toilet. Since then, I have been unable to use it. Because of its wild behavior, my wife no longer trusts her identical device.
- It will be very cheap and very smart for Sonicare to do the right thing. If the company chooses not to, I will go to Plan B. That will prove considerably more costly. Please confirm your choice in the next 24 hours.
- Throughout this, your employee, Ruth, has been both courteous and thoughtful. Please thank her on my behalf.
I get more email responses from Catherine. In only slightly differing words, they all say the same thing: “We are unable to provide a replacement.” I read this as unwilling, not unable. Still, I try one last time: “Think of how much time, effort and, in use of employee time, this has already cost Philips. Compare that with the cost of mailing a couple of toothbrushes. And avoiding Plan B. Sigh.
Four words
OK, those are my two companies, Apple and Philips. You see the difference and the effect that difference has on a customer. This is where I'd usually spell out my message, but in this case, it’s so obvious that … let me distil it into four short words: Don't be that guy.
Jules Older is an executive consultant, crisis counselor, clinical psychologist and writer.
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