Cancer Patient Support Foundation The story of cancer touches most of us. Most people can share a story about themselves, their families, their friends, or their neighbors who have faced this dreaded disease. Tim Kavanagh has for years been donating his time as an emcee for the Cancer Patient Support Foundation’s Evening Song, never realizing how close to home this cause would become. Tim was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer. He had no symptoms. A routine checkup turned into a life altering event for himself, his partner Candy Weston and his family and friends.
Candy Weston and Tim Kavanagh.
“I was in disbelief; it was suppose to be a routine checkup. To tell my family and loved one was pretty tough- it was tough go because it was supposed to be routine, coming out knowing that I’m going to have a fight, and a fight for my life. For Candy she lives with the anger and guilt and helplessness that so many caregivers experience. “I was so angry that he was alone when he heard the news. I was so beside myself. Our lives were changed in an instant. You get the diagnosis and then you wait. The entire month after getting the diagnosis it was waiting to be seen by doctors, getting second opinions, while going along with your life as usual is very difficult.”
On Tim’s second visit for chemotherapy he had his aha moment. “I realized everyone in this room has cancer, we all have our stories. I am now in this club that I never expected to be in.”
Candy tries to stay positive and focus on making sure that Tim is following the doctor’s orders but there are dark days. “I am self-employed. My schedule is really full right now. I always go with him to chemo but I didn’t go this time. He needed IV fluids and he was so exhausted. The guilt pulls at me when I feel he could have used my support and I wasn’t there for him. Sometimes on Tim’s bad days and even on his good days, I find myself not wanting to share my emotions. Suddenly it can all feel like too much to handle. It’s as though I can’t wait to get into the shower where I can cry and cry so he can’t see me. Trying to be strong for him can be one of the hardest challenges. And I know he wants me to share my emotions but I really want to only be positive for him.” Candy explained that “being honest with people about my feelings seemed hard. Asking for help seemed hard. Knowing what to ask for seemed hard too.”
Tim's treatment requires that he has a chemo pump on him at home and every time he hears the pump go off he knows that “poisons are going into me, but it is these poisons that are getting me better.” He raves about the hospital staff, how “it takes a village.” From the nurse who held his hand during the diagnosis to the staff in the clinic who are always there for a warm smile or a joke. “Cancer puts you in a special club; one that you will always be a member of, you will share this membership with countless people over the years.”
“Seeing Tim on his bad days is a mix of emotions.” Candy confides, “it is very difficult to watch one of the most outgoing, vibrant and vivacious people I know being debilitated by nausea, fatigue, and anxiety. I often feel powerless.”
However as much as there are bad days there are good things that have come out of this journey. “Tim is the love of my life and I know without a doubt having been on this journey with him from the start that this is the glue that holds us together. This hardship has only made our bond stronger. I’ve learned so much about compassion, letting go, growing in faith and what it means to give and receive support and love.”
For Tim “one of the things it has done is made me slow down. This is something that folks have been telling me to do for a long time. I certainly take the time to appreciate things and people more than in the past.” Candy agrees, “I’ve learned that I’m even stronger than I knew I was. I’ve learned how much support and love there is.”
Helping others is one way this couple battles cancer. They will co-emcee the Cancer Patient Support Foundation’s 2nd Annual Culinary Classic on November 12 from 6-9pm at UVM Davis Center. All proceeds will benefit local cancer patients and their families in Vermont and Northern New York.
The Culinary Classic will feature chefs from: Burlington Country Club, Butch & Babe’s Pauline’s Café, The Farmhouse Group, Leunig’s Bistro & Café and the Basin Harbor Club competing to be named the Culinary Cup Champion and the People’ Choice decided by those attending the culinary all-star event. Individual tickets are $85 and couple tickets are $150. For more information or tickets go to www.cpsfvt.org call 802-488-5495.
The 2nd Annual Culinary Classic is presented in part by NorthCountry Federal Credit Union and the KLIFA Club Fund.